Haggis McMutton

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Haggis McMutton

Haggis McMutton is one of the pirate barbers encountered in the third game. Haggis, whose given name is Heart Liver and Kidneys Boiled in the Stomach of the Animal McMutton (because his parents were expecting a girl), is originally from Scotland, but when Guybrush encounters him on Plunder Island, he works at the Barbery Coast in Puerto Pollo as a barber, together with Edward Van Helgen and Cutthroat Bill. Sometimes, Haggis cuts hair so fast the scissors fly from his hands at unbelievable speeds. Before becoming a barber, Haggis spent ten years at sea aboard the HMS Anathema, the fastest ship in the Scottish Navy.

In the game he is responsible for shaving the head of Captain René Rottingham after he believes he has lice: "Holy infestation! You've been struck with the hair demons!" (They were actually planted in his comb by Guybrush.) He later joins Guybrush's crew when Guybrush proves himself in the honoured highland sport of the caber toss on the Field of Competition. Guybrush cheats with a caber made of a rubber tree which bounces further than Haggis', convincing him of his amazing strength.

Later on Haggis and crew engage in song ("A pirate I was meant to be") after their ship, the Sea Cucumber, is boarded by Captain Rottingham. He also announces to Guybrush of their mutiny when they arrive on Blood Island.

His manual for haircutting is the Coiffures for the Discerning Pirate: Spring Edition.

Journeys

Haggis served ten years aboard H.M.S. Anathema, a clipper ship.

On one occasion, Haggis went on a journey to uncover "The Secret of Bulky Island". He was part of a crew of two score men under the command of Big Jake McJuggernaut, the most powerful captain on the seas. Jake had heard of an enormous treasure on Bulky Island. They set sail, and reached the island within a fortnight, finding the treasure shortly thereafter. When attempting to lift the solid gold chest however, Big Jake's back cracked, and he died. None of the crew could lift the chest. The pirate Angus McFulcrum had followed them to Bulky Island, wanting the treasure for himself. Through an ingenious hauling system, Angus did manage to secure the treasure chest.

Haggis McMutton would later accompany Guybrush on a journey to Blood Island, as a navigator aboard the Sea Cucumber.

The Caber Toss

In order to get Haggis to join his crew Guybrush must beat him in the Scottish sport known as caber toss, in which a tree trunk is thrown into the air. Guybrush wins by seemingly throwing his caber further than Haggis. However, this is a common misconception of the rules of the caber toss; the rules are not to throw the caber farthest but rather to have the caber land back up as straight as possible.

Memorable quotes

  • Haggis: "Ach! Blast that ineffectual paperweight! I'll have to go find another."
Guybrush: "But what about my haircut?"
Haggis: "Keep your skirt on, lad."
  • Guybrush: "'Haggis.' That's an unusual name."
Haggis: "I suppose it is, but 'Haggis' is just a nickname. Me given name is Heart Liver and Kidneys Boiled in the Stomach of the Animal McMutton."
Guybrush: "Oh, so your parents were expecting a girl."
Haggis: "Aye."

Appeared in

Voiced by